So I had to put money on the laundry card the machines in my building use. Get it? I mean the machines use this card, there’s another machine in the lower lobby that you use to put money on the card, etc. Makes sense, right? The process seems a little byzantine to me sometimes, but whatever.

I’m downstairs trying to put money on this card, but someone is already using the machine. No sweat, I can wait in line with the best of them. This young woman who’s using the machine is also on her cell, evidently. I say “evidently” because she’s using one of those headsets that has the mic built into the cord about a foot from the earbud, so it’s not immediately clear she’s on the phone (instead of, you know, engaging me in some conversation she’s already halfway through in her mind, or ranting at the thin air).

“So right she says right she doesn’t want them on campus.”

Hey, your card’s ready. Press the … press … press the fucking button. Take your card. The light. Hey. Oh for fuck’s sake.

“So right, right? I’m like ‘well whatever’ and she’s all ‘it wouldn’t be appropriate.’ Right!”

Oh jesus come the fuck on, just take the card. There you go. Therrrre you go, press the … awesome. You’re done. Ok. You’re done. Ok. Move. Move. Move away from the … don’t put the card back … oh come on.

“Right? And then I’m like ‘well ok but whatever seriously’ and she’s like ‘thanks for understanding,’ right? Like all shitty and I’m like ‘seriously whatever.’ Right?”

Yeah, read the sign, you obviously need some assistance here. There you go. Yep, now push the button … the yellow … right. Now read the display … read … no, the … the display. The sign isn’t gonna change after you push that button … the sign … fuck …

“So I dunno, I guess that’s that. I mean we could just do it anyway, right? Right. And then later be all like whatever, right?”

Yeah, just do the whole thing over, just repeat the actions of your last failed effort, it will work this time. Perfect! Perfect duplication, no change at all. Girl, you are awesome. It would only be more astounding if you … yes! did it all again! perfectly! and the exact same thing happened: nothing!

After a few more minutes she finally threw in the towel and took her laundry card and went away. But she literally stood there for at least five minutes chatting idly on the phone and inserting her laundry card into the machine and randomly pressing buttons and reading different sets of instructions. I’m sure the phone had some sort of (temporary, one hopes) negative effect on her ability to handle this task, but I’m equally sure she saw me (I’m 6’5″, which is pretty hard to miss). Especially considering I saw one of our roommates on the way in and we chatted about doing laundry.

I guess maybe cell phones make you stupid and rude.